Navigating Trauma Triggers & Family Dynamics During the Holidays

A Trauma-Informed Catholic Guide to Advent, Safety, and Hope

The holidays are painted as a season of joy, warmth, and togetherness. But for many of us, this time of year can stir up something far more complicated. Family gatherings resurrect old wounds. Memories heighten our emotional sensitivity. The pace of the season pulls our bodies into stress, and expectations—spoken or unspoken—can leave us feeling tense, overwhelmed, or unworthy.

If you’ve ever wondered “Why does my body feel so activated around the holidays?” or “Why do I struggle to stay regulated with certain family members?”—you’re not alone. This is human. This is understandable. And it does not mean you’re failing at faith, maturity, or healing.

In fact, it means your nervous system is working exactly as God designed it: to protect you.

The invitation of Advent is not to suppress these reactions, but to notice them, honor them, and let God gently re-parent the places within us that feel unsafe, unseen, or unheard.

Below is a guide to help you move through this season with greater compassion, grounding, and hope.

1. Why the Holidays Activate Our Nervous Systems

Trauma, whether big “T” or subtle emotional ruptures, lives in the body. Even if you’ve done decades of healing work, your system may still interpret certain voices, tones, places, or dynamics as threats.

During the holidays, this can intensify because:

• Your body remembers past Thanksgivings and Christmases, even the ones you don’t consciously think about.

• Family roles resurface—the fixer, the quiet one, the adaptable one, the strong one.

• Expectations rise, and your inner child may worry about disappointing someone.

• Fatigue increases, making regulation harder for even the healthiest person.

• Old attachment wounds get activated, especially around belonging, worthiness, or being “too much” or “not enough.”

2. Preparing Your Body Before You Walk In

You cannot control another’s behavior, but you can prepare your nervous system with intention.

Here are a few grounding practices to do before entering a family gathering:

• The “Soft Belly” Breath

Place a hand on your abdomen. Inhale slowly for 4 counts. Exhale for 6.
Let your belly expand—not your chest. Tell your body: We are safe.

• Orienting to Safety

Look around the room slowwwwly.
Name 5 colors you see.
Let your eyes land on something calming.
This shifts your brain out of survival mode.

• Shoulder Drop + Exhale

Lift both shoulders up toward your ears.
Hold for 3 seconds.
Release as you breathe out.
This interrupts the sympathetic (fight/flight) response.

• Quiet Immanuel Prayer

Say internally:
“Jesus, be with me exactly as I am right now.”
This anchors both your heart and your physiology.

3. Setting Gentle, Holy Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls. They are pathways back to peace.

When trauma histories mix with Catholic guilt or family loyalty, boundaries can feel selfish. But boundaries are actually deeply incarnational—they honor the God-given dignity of your body, your time, and your mental space.

Some examples:

• “I’m going to step outside for a few minutes.”

• “I love you, and I need a break.”

• “Let’s talk about something else.”

• “I’ll come for dessert, not the whole day.”

• “Today I’m choosing peace, not reactivity.”

Jesus Himself set boundaries. He stepped away to rest, pray, and regulate. You can too.

4. When You Feel Triggered in Real Time

If you feel your heart racing, your chest tightening, or your body going numb—your nervous system is trying to keep you safe.

Try one of these micro-regulation tools:

• Sensory Reset

Hold something cold (your drink, a cool ornament, ice cube).
This interrupts spiraling thoughts.

• Texture Anchor

Touch something with a grounding texture (your clothing, a chair, a bracelet).
Let your fingers explore it.
This signals to your brain: We’re in the present.

• Foot-to-Floor

Press your feet firmly onto the ground.
Exhale.
Say internally: “I’m right here.”

• Name the Younger Part

Ask:
“How old do I feel right now?”
Then whisper, internally:
“I’m here now. You’re not alone anymore.”

This integrates your Spirit-led Adult Self with the Wounded Child, Angry Child or Adolescent Self who is reacting.

5. After the Gathering: Repair, Release, and Recenter

Once you leave, or even later that night, give your body permission to exhale.

• Shake out the tension

Animals do this after danger passes, and as humans, we can do this too.

• Journal your “trigger map”

What activated you?
What helped?
What still feels tender?

• Return to prayer

Imagine Jesus sitting with you, not correcting you, but holding the part of you that felt overwhelmed.

• Celebrate your growth

Maybe you responded differently this year.
Maybe you noticed something you used to ignore.
Maybe you realized what feels unsafe.
Maybe you chose rest.

Healing is not always dramatic. Sometimes it looks like simply noticing with love.

6. Advent: God Comes Into Human Nervous Systems

Advent is the season of God entering vulnerability—not bypassing it.

Jesus didn’t come into a pristine, regulated family system. He came into poverty, uncertainty, tension, and an imperfect lineage. He came into bodies that felt fear, exhaustion, and longing.

Which means God is not disappointed by your overwhelm. He meets you inside of it.

Advent is the slow homecoming of your heart and body back to safety—back to the manger, back to the God who comes close, back to the One who is gentle with your nervous system.

Your feelings are not obstacles to holiness. They are places where Christ desires to draw near.

Share this post with someone who may need these reminders and tools, and remember you are not alone. The Lord is with you; whom shall you fear?