Reflecting with Mary’s Seven Sorrows: A Trauma-informed guide.
Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.
Consider meditating in a safe/calm place. I invite you to light a candle and sit in a comfortable position. Place an image of the Blessed Mother in front of you to help you reflect more deeply. For the reflection questions, consider writing down your responses so you can reflect even more at a later time.
Take a few deep breaths to ground you. If at any point the language or your reflection takes you to places that feel too dysregulating, pause, take a few more deep breaths and re-engage only if you have enough capacity to do so.
Begin in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
First Sorrow: Simeon’s Prophecy
And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, "Behold this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” (Luke 2: 34-35)
Simeon’s prophecy reveals that Mary’s life would not be free from pain. The woman who would behold the son of God was not spared from human suffering. Sometimes, we may think if God is for us if he has a great plan for us, and if we are destined for big things, then our lives should be a lot easier. We shouldn’t have to experience so much pain. But Mary, so full of God’s grace, shows us that even when we are close to God and experiencing his grace, we won’t be spared from human suffering.
What is the sword that pierces your heart? Is it a particular wound? Fear? Thought? Addiction? Obsession? Memory? Perhaps there is a part of you that feels like if I do all the right things and keep growing in virtue, I won’t feel this anger- sadness- frustration- or grief… See if you can put your hand on your heart, allow yourself to feel whatever your heart holds, and ask for Mary’s intercession to help you bear your pain well.
Hail Mary ...
Second Sorrow: The Flight into Egypt
When they had departed, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother, flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you. Herod is going to search for the child to destroy him." Joseph rose and took the child and his mother and departed for Egypt. (Matthew 2:13-16)
One of the greatest challenges in parenting is responding promptly to a child's evolving needs. Consider Joseph's immediate obedience to the angel's instruction to flee to Egypt, protecting Jesus out of love. Imagine Mary's sorrow as she left her established home, a place of familiarity and security, for the unknown and threatening. This experience of leaving safety for uncertainty, of powerlessness in the face of the unfamiliar, can resonate deeply within us.
Reflect on similar instances in your own life: times you were asked to abandon what felt safe for something entirely new, or when you had to protect a vulnerable part of yourself. Perhaps you faced danger, had your boundaries violated, or were denied dignity and respect. Did you manage to extract yourself from such threatening situations, or did you feel trapped?
Place your hand on your heart and seek Mary's intercession. Ask for the grace to detach when necessary, to be obedient to God's guidance, and for the strength to grieve effectively, trusting in His protection.
Hail Mary …
Third Sorrow: The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple
When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, "Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." And he said to them, "Why were you looking for me? Did you not understand that I must be in my Father’s house?" But they did not understand what he said to them. He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. (Luke 2:48-52)
Mary’s pain when Jesus was lost stemmed from fear and confusion, feeling his actions were personal. Yet, Jesus was fulfilling a higher mission. She must have felt so deeply hurt, uttering in her fear, “Son, why have you done this to us?” In our shared humanity, it’s often difficult to separate our emotions from our interpretations of others' actions. We can’t help but feel that someone is choosing to hurt us, that their deeds are intentionally directed at us. But in this profound moment, we see that Jesus was not acting out of malice or disregard for his family; he was responding to a higher calling, being obedient to God the Father’s divine plan.
This truth, however, doesn't diminish Mary's immediate confusion, which itself can be a source of profound sorrow. When we are unable to comprehend God's mysterious workings in our lives, when the path ahead is obscured and the reasons for our suffering are hidden, a deep pain can settle in our hearts. We yearn for understanding, for a clear explanation, and the absence of it can feel like a heavy burden.
Yet, there is a transformative power in gaining clarity and cultivating enough inner spaciousness to avoid taking things too personally. When we begin to grasp deeper truths, to see beyond our immediate emotional reactions and understand the broader, divine tapestry, we often find a profound sense of peace. This journey to peace, however, is rarely swift or easy. It can take a long time to reach that place of acceptance and understanding, to release the grip of confusion and personal hurt.
Do you ever find yourself in a similar state as Mary, holding that same sorrow of confusion? Do you experience the pang of taking the actions of others personally, feeling the weight of their choices as if they were deliberate affronts to your own heart? Or perhaps your sorrow stems from the agonizing experience of losing something, or someone, that is incredibly dear to you, leaving a void that aches for what was?
Place your hand gently on your heart. Ask Mary, who knows the depths of human sorrow and divine mystery, to help you stay with these emotions. Ask her for the grace to allow them to simply be as they are, without the urgent need to find an immediate answer or a quick solution. Ask her to show you how to truly "keep all these things in your heart," as she did, pondering them, not necessarily understanding them fully in the moment, but holding them with love and trust, knowing that in time, clarity and peace will emerge. This meditative approach allows for a deeper processing of sorrow, transforming it from a wound into a profound spiritual experience.
Hail Mary ...
Fourth Sorrow: Meeting Jesus on the Way of the Cross
“And carrying the cross himself . . .” (Jn 19:17). “A large crowd of people followed Jesus, including many women who mourned and lamented him” (Lk 23:27).
Have you ever experienced such a profound sense of helplessness with a loved one? Have you ever witnessed someone suffering in a way that was almost unbearable to behold, their pain resonating deeply within your own soul? Have you ever felt that agonizing sensation of powerlessness – the acute awareness that, despite your deepest desire, you cannot take that person’s suffering away? This feeling can be an isolating and heavy burden, a silent ache in the core of your being as you watch their struggle unfold.
Sometimes, we can even experience this profound helplessness within ourselves. We know we are suffering, we recognize that we are carrying a heavy cross, a burden that weighs us down, yet we must stay present to it. We cannot magically eradicate it; we must walk through it, embracing the discomfort and the pain as part of our human journey. This internal struggle can be just as potent, if not more so, than witnessing external suffering, as we grapple with our own limitations and the sometimes relentless nature of our personal trials.
In moments of such profound emotional weight, whether observing the suffering of others or wrestling with our own, there is solace to be found. Place your hand gently upon your heart and ask Mary, the Mother of Sorrows, to support you. Ask her to help you embrace the suffering you witness in others, to meet their pain with empathy and understanding, and to hold space for their struggle without judgment.
Furthermore, ask her to help you embrace the suffering within your own self. Seek her guidance to meet that suffering with tenderness and nurture, to cradle your own wounds with the same compassion you would offer a cherished loved one. Ask her for the strength to face these difficult realities without shrinking away, without looking for an escape, but rather to remain present and engaged with the often uncomfortable truths of life.
Haily Mary…
Fifth Sorrow: Mary witnesses the Crucifixion and the death of Jesus on the Cross
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,[a] here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19: 25-27).
The profound sorrow that envelops a parent who has lost a child is an agony uniquely understood only by those who have endured such a devastating loss. Mary, the Mother of God, not only experienced this unfathomable sorrow, but she was forced to endure the even more excruciating agony of watching her beloved Son suffer immensely before His ultimate passing. In this unbearable moment, Mary once again confronts the sorrow of powerlessness, witnessing her baby boy’s life ebb away before her very eyes.
Allow yourself to fully immerse in that sorrow. Notice how this deep grief manifests within your own body—perhaps a tightening in your chest, a hollowness in your stomach, or tears that well up unbidden. Now, imagine yourself standing beside Mary at the foot of the Cross, a silent witness to her indescribable pain. Can you truly be present with her in that profound suffering? Can you stand by her side, offering your silent support and solidarity? Can you weep with her, allowing your own tears to mingle with hers in a shared outpouring of grief?
Place your hand over your heart and humbly ask Mary for the grace to be at the foot of the cross, not just in this meditation, but in all of life’s crucibles. If, in our own lives, we must face the heartbreaking prospect of losing what or who we love most, pray for the grace we need to surrender to God's will and to continue trusting in His divine plan, even amidst the deepest sorrow. May we find strength in her example of unwavering faith and enduring love, even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Hail Mary …
Sixth Sorrow: The body of Jesus is taken down and laid in the arms of His Holy Mother
After this, Joseph of Arimathea, secretly a disciple of Jesus for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate if he could remove the body of Jesus. And Pilate permitted it. So he came and took his body” (Jn 19:38).
Imagine Mary’s profound sorrow as she cradles her only son, Jesus, in her arms. His body, so recently vibrant and full of life, now bears the brutal marks of unimaginable suffering—beaten, bruised, and broken. Close your eyes and truly feel into this moment. Where does this sorrow resonate within your own body? Do you feel a tightness in your chest, a pang in your heart, or a heaviness in your spirit? Allow yourself to stay with that sensation, to sit with the depth of Mary's pain.
In this agonizing scene, Mary holds her son close, her touch tender and filled with a mother's boundless love. Perhaps, in that very moment, the full scope of God’s divine plan remained shrouded from her understanding. Perhaps she still harbored a desperate uncertainty about whether she would ever see Him again, whether the light of His presence would ever grace her life in the same way. Perhaps all that remained for her was the crushing weight of present pain, a sorrow so immense that it eclipsed any glimmer of future hope. In that raw, unbearable reality, the promise of resurrection, though foretold, might have felt incredibly distant, leaving her solely with the ache of loss.
There are times in our own lives when we, too, find ourselves in similar valleys of despair. We might intellectually grasp that a greater good could eventually emerge from our suffering, that healing or growth might lie on the other side. Yet, in the throes of our present struggle, all we can truly perceive and feel is the overwhelming, pervasive pain. The future, with its potential for solace or resolution, seems remote and intangible. During these deeply challenging times, we desperately need a comforting presence, someone to hold us, to simply be with us in our vulnerability. We need Mary to intercede for us, to pick us up from the dust of our despair and embrace us with her compassionate love, just as she embraced her suffering Son.
Place your hand gently over your heart, feeling the steady rhythm of your own life. Close your eyes and allow your spirit to connect with hers, a mother who understands the deepest agonies of the human heart.
Hail Mary…
Seventh Sorrow: The Burial of Jesus, with Mary’s tears and loneliness
Now in the place where he had been crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had yet been buried. So they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day; for the tomb was close by. (John 19:41)
Consider the profound loneliness and desolation Mary must have felt as Jesus' body was laid in the tomb. She had walked with Him, nurtured Him, and witnessed His mission. Now, the physical presence of her beloved Son was gone, hidden behind a stone. This sorrow is one of ultimate separation, of a love so deep experiencing its most painful emptiness.
Reflect on moments in your own life when you have experienced a profound sense of loss, separation, or loneliness. Perhaps it was the departure of a loved one, the end of a cherished dream, or a period of isolation where you felt truly alone. How did that loneliness settle in your spirit? What void did it leave behind?
Place your hand on your heart and ask Mary to intercede for you. Ask her to help you bear the weight of loneliness and separation in your own life, to find comfort in her enduring love, and to trust that even in the deepest moments of darkness, God's light and promise of reunion will ultimately prevail.
Hail Mary …
Let Us Pray: Let intercession be made for us, O Lord, now and at the Hour of our death, before the throne of Your mercy, by the Blessed Virgin Mary, Your Mother, whose most holy soul was pierced by a sword of sorrow. May our own sorrows be met with compassion, strength, and power of your Resurrection. Through You, with You and in You, with the Father and the Holy Spirit, world without end. Amen.